Giddyup

Q: What did the snail say when she road on the turtle's back?
A: "Wheeeeeeeeeeee!"

Favorites

My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle. "I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur. "I love him more than you," I replied. She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most." I said, "You misunderstood me."

Name That Ranch

A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name.
"Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."
"But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked.
"None survived the branding."