That Ought To Work

A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front. He goes round the back of the pub only to find two bikies, one with his fingers up the bum of the other. "So what's going on here?" he asks. The bikie replies "My mate here has had too much to drink and I'm trying to make him vomit." The cop says "I think you should be sticking your fingers down his THROAT!" The bikie replies "That's what I'm going to do next!"

Top Signs You're an Alcoholic

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. You fall off the floor.
6. That damn pink elephant followed you home again.
7. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
8. Your career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.

Atomic Cocktail

Q: Did you here about the new atomic cocktail?
A: One sip and you go out with a poof.