Can't Trust Them

Q: How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?
A: Because they both "practice" their professions.

Foxhole Dilemma

Q: You are stuck in a foxhole with a cobra, Saddam Hussein, a lawyer, and only two bullets in your gun. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

New Lawyer and the phone man

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school.
He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.
One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.. "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.." "Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.." "Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.." This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions.
Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?" The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."