I'm As Sober As You

A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days

Courtroom Chaos

A man accused of robbing a bank was tried for the final time and was found guilty. Just before he was taken away, the man looked the judge in the eye and said, "Would it be okay if I called you a son of a bitch?" The judge's face went red and he roared, "It most certainly would not! I'd add another two years onto your sentence!" The defendant nodded and then asked, "Would it be okay if I THOUGHT you were a son of a bitch?" The judge was becoming very annoyed but replied, "Yes, I suppose that would be okay. I obviously have no control over your thoughts." The defendant smiled and said, "Well, in that case, judge, I think you are a son of a bitch!"

The Local District Judge

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drinking. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?", asked the Judge, surprised by the man's responsed.  "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"