Profession Jokes - Farmer Jokes
Donkey, Chicken and a Rooster
One day, a man went to a nearby farm to buy some of the animals that were for sale there. He walked up to the farmer and said, "Hey, that's a nice donkey you got there. I think I'll take it." The farmer replied, "That's not a donkey, that's an ass." So, the man said, "Okay, then, I'll take the ass." Then he walked over to the chicken coup and said, "I like that chicken. I'll take it too." The farmer replied, "That is a pullet." So the man said, "Okay, I'll take the pullet." He was looking at a rooster and said, "Well, I guess I'll take the rooster, too." The farmer replied, "That's not a rooster, it's a cock." So they load the pullet and the cock into the back of the man's truck and tie the ass to the back. The man then pays the farmer as the farmer tells him, "Now, sometimes the ass gets a little stubborn and he stops. All you have to do is get out and scratch his back, and he'll go again." So the man drives away. All of a sudden, the ass stops, and the pullet and the cock fly out of the back. The man is trying to get them back when a woman comes out and says, "Can I help you?" The man replies, "Yeah, could you grab my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened.
Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ? Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that's Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your $1000 back." Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "
This big lawyer from the city was watching Duck Dynasty on A&E and decided that duck hunting might be just the thing he needed to relieve his stress. He drove out to the country and spotted a bunch of ducks in a pond. He quickly stopped his car, got out his shotgun and managed to shoot one of the ducks. A farmer ran out of a nearby building upon hearing the shot and screams at the lawyer, "Hey you can't shoot that duck on my property. That duck belongs to me. Hand it over!" The lawyer says, 'Hell no I shot him so I get to keep him!" The farmer suggests they settle it 'country style' (which is to kick each other in the nuts till the other one falls over). The farmer goes first and slams the lawyer with a nice hard stiff kick. Upon receiving the kick, the lawyer damn near collapses from the pain. The lawyer managed to regain his balance and stuttered, "Its my turn." The farmer looked at him with a smirk and said "aw Hell, keep the damn duck!"
Idiot Chicken Farmer
An idiot decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going wrong," said the idiot, "I think I'm planting them too deep."
The Rabbit Mule And Rooster
A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it's his life long dream. He buys a piece of land and heads down there, now all he needs are the animals. He goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning. The clerk says, "We don't call 'em roosters, we call 'em cocks." "Okay" the man says. "I'll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm." "We pronounce it rubbit says the clerk." "Okay, I'll take those two things and a mule to carry them home." "We don't call 'em mules, we call 'em asses and every time the ass stops walkin', just scratch behind his ear." So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He's walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops. The man sees a lady passing by and asks, "Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass?"