The Engineer and the Bike

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

You Might Be an Engineer if

• The only jokes you receive are through e-mail (nothing wrong with this one).
• At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
• Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your computer is a moral dilemma.
• Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
• In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure.
• The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
• You are always late to meetings.
• You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
• You are next in line on death row in a French prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly so you offer to fix it.
• You bought your wife a new CD ROM reader for her birthday.
• You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
• You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.
• You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
• You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
• You forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months.
• You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects.
• You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
• You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
• You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
• You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
• You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
• You know what http:// stands for.
• You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
• You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
• You see a good design and still have to change it.
• You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
• You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
• You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.
• You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
• You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa).
• You window shop at Radio Shack.
• You're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite.
• Your checkbook always balances.
• Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
  • Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work.
• You've already calculated how much you make per second.
• You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.

Engineer's Starting Salary

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"  The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."  The interviewer replies, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"  The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."