Go Away

I can't stand those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"... 
Fucking firemen.

New Antibiotic

At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic.
"What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience. "Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies.
"Well, what's so miraculous about it?"
"One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times!"

Seashore with the Family

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family.  Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted. "Darling, it was just a shark," assured his wife when he came to. "You've got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere."