THE MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL ALL MEN ARE WAITING FOR

• Cover charge: $15.00
• Round of drinks: $23.00
• Table dance: $30.00
• Another round of drinks: $23.00
• Couch dance and tips: $50.00
• A round of shots: $34.00
• A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: $125.00
• Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00
• Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain: Priceless  

For everthing else.... There's MasterCard

Jury Duty

A man chosen for jury duty very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse, but none of them worked. On the first day, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit, with those beady eyes and that dishonest face, and I said, "He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty." "So I could not possibly be on this jury." "Get back in the jury box," the judge replied. "You're just the kind of juror we are looking for --- a good judge of character. That man is his lawyer."

Reflex Check

My doctor friend is addicted to hitting people on their knees to test their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.