Lunch with Clinton

Clinton and Gore went to a diner to get a bite to eat. A good looking waitress comes up and asks, "Can I take your order?" Clinton says, "Yes, I'd like a quickie!" She turns a little red and say, "Sir, with your wife running for president I don't think you should even be suggesting something like that. I'll come back when you're ready to order from the MENU!" As she walks away Gore leans over and says, "Bill, its pronounced quiche."

Glutton for Punishment

He heard that a man gets hit by an automobile every twenty minutes. He said, "What a glutton for punishment, that guy!"

What's In a Name?

An actor auditioned for a part in a musical comedy many years ago. The director was impressed with the young man's talent. He could dance, he could sing, he had perfect comic timing.  The director asked the young man his name.  "Penis van Lesbian," the man replied proudly.  "Well," said the director, "we'll have to change that."  "Oh," the young man said, "I could never change my name. It's my heritage."  "Well," said the director, "if you're not willing to change your name, you'll never go anywhere in show business."  The young man left the theater dejectedly.  A couple of years later, the director and the young man happened to meet on the street.  "Do you remember me," asked the young man?  "Yes, I do," said the director. "I almost cast you once for a musical comedy. What have you been up to."  "Well, I finally took your advice," the young man said. "I changed my name and I have been quite successful in show business ever since."  "I told you so," the director replied. "And what name did you choose, Mr. van Lesbian?"  "Dick van Dyke."