EMT Response Times

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times. “Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,” bragged one, “we’ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.”
“Not bad,” the second paramedic commented.
“But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.”
“That’s nothing said the third paramedic. “Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we’ve cut our emergency response time in half!”

Lawyer's Good News And Bad News

A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" The lawyer asked. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" The man asked incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "It's of you and your mistress."

Catfish vs. Lawyer

Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: Ones a gross dirty slimy scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and ones a fish...