The Blonde Nun

One night a Blond Nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish." "Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways." "There must be something you would have of me," said God. "Well, there is one thing," she said. "Just name it," said God. "It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop." "Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans. But surely there is something that I could do just for you." "There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun. "Name it. Please," said God. "It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel!"

Bad Party

A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.

Help Me Win the Lotto

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please God... let me win the Lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. And again she prays... "God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself... "Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket."