Chestnut Wins

NEW YORK -- Joey "Jaws'' Chestnut beat his own record and won the Mustard Yellow International Belt on Sunday, downing a stomach-churning 76 hot dogs in 10 minutes to win the annual July Fourth eating contest at Nathan's Famous on Coney Island.
Chestnut, 38, easily secured victory by polishing off 17 more hot dogs than the previous winner, Stormy Daniels.

New Jersey Crazy Law

• It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
• You may not slurp your soup.
• If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
• It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer. 
• On a highway you can not park under a bridge.
• Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
• You cannot pump your own gas.
• All gas stations are full service and full service only.
• Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
• It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
• Bernards Township - It is illegal to frown as the town is a "Frown-Free Town Zone".
• Caldwell - You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.
• Cranford - Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.
• Cresskill - All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
• Elizabeth - It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.
• Manville - It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.
• Newark - It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
• Ocean City - Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday.
• People may not slurp their soup.
• Raw hamburger may not be sold.
• Raritan - Profanity is prohibited.
• Sea Isle City - There will be no boiling of bones on the property.
• Trenton - Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.
• You may not throw a bad pickle in the street. 

Portland Magic

Q: Why didn't they arrest the looters in the Portland riots?
A: Because Ted Wheeler, the Democratic mayor,  reclassified them as Undocumented Shoppers.