A Blonde, a Brunette, a Redhead, and a Shipwreck

There were three friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were on a cruise ship and it was heading home. When they got about 20 miles of shore the boat began to sink (no idea why, use your imagination). The three girls jumped off and swam to a nearby island. After being there a few days the brunette tried to swim to shore. She got about five miles off the island's shore and drowned. After a few days passed, the redhead decided that she would try. She got about half way and drowned. Now realizing all her friends were gone, the blonde decided to try, too. She swam for hours. She got to where she can see the shore, but she was so tired she decided to turn around and go back.

Do This While Driving

Strange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below "things to do while driving", as all driving should be taken seriously. The below "things to do while driving" are simply here for entertainment purposes.

• Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
• Roll down your windows and blast talk radio.
• Attempt to headbang.
• At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.
• Two words: Chicken suit.
• Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
• Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
• Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
• Stop at the green lights. Go at the red ones.
• Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
• Eat food that requires silverware.
• Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
• Sing without having the radio on.
• Honk frequently without motivation.
• Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.
• Ask people for Grey Poupon.
• Let pedestrians know who's boss.
• Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
• Restart your car at every stop light.
• Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
• Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
• While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.
• Keep at least five cats in the car.
• Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.
• Stop and collect roadkill.
• Throw Spam.
• Get in the fast lane and gradually ... slow ... down ... to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them. 

Bad Airline

The Top 10 Signs You're Flying On A Bad Airline

1. The engine's being held on by duct tape.
2. You see the Gorilla from those old Samsonite commercials running loose up and down the aisles.
3. In-flight movie has "Ernest" in its title.
4. Pilot informs you that you're at cruising altitude and he's gonna put the top down.
5. Instead of Peanuts, you get a healthy helping of SPAM.
6. As you're taking off, the stewardess mentions the phrase "Guest Pilot Program". 
7. The seats are wet due to flotation device moisture.
8. The stewardess asks you to join the Mile High Club... and "she" has a beard and bigger arms than you!
9. Pilot asks if there is anyone else who wants a shot of Beam before he finishes the bottle.
10. You look down and see a copy of "Fixing a Plane for Dummies" by the mechanic's feet.