Eyes and Ears Everywhere

A guy named Bob is traveling by Amtrak with two strangers sitting close to him. He is trying to sleep, but those guys were speaking loudly for a very long time heavily criticizing George Bush, the war in Iraq, corruption, unemployment, etc. So Bob, in an attempt to force the guys to stop talking and let him sleep, tells them as a joke, that there is a new total control system developed by the FBI that spies upon all citizens, and there are lots of listening devices everywhere, so that anyone criticizing the government would be severely punished. This didn't have any effect on those guys, moreover they just laughed at Bob, and carried on and on, saying even more rude jokes about George Bush and the government. Finally, close to 3:00 am, Bob goes to the restroom, and runs into the train conductor. Bob asks the conductor to bring him some water and sleeping pills at exactly 3:00 a.m. He goes back to his place and says loudly into the base of his seat, so that talkative guys could hear him: "If the FBI director can hear me: could you please bring me a glass of water and some sleeping pills at 3:00 a.m., because there are some idiots here who are speaking too loudly about some political issues and won't let me sleep." The guys continue talking. Exactly at 3:00 am, the door opens and the conductor comes out, and gives Bob the water and some sleeping pills. The guys are shocked and finally stop talking. Bob is happy and manages to fall asleep... When he wakes in the morning, the talkative guys are no where to be found. Out of curiosity he asks the conductor about them, (also remembering that there shouldn't have been any stops at night). The conductor replies that some people in black suits stopped the train and arrested those guys. Bob is completely shocked and surprised and asks about why he was not arrested. The conductor answers that he doesn't have a clue but one of the guys in black suits said that the director of the FBI liked Bob's joke about the water and pills.

Trouble with plane engines

While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and a passenger looked out the window.  "Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!" Other passengers left their seats and came running over.  Suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order.
Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs. "Say", spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren't those parachutes?". The pilot confirmed that they were. The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?".  "There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

Waylaid

One day a man was hiking down an old dirt road when he noticed, down an embankment, a man tied naked, face down to a large fallen tree. The hiker ran down to the man, and while removing his backpack asked, ''What happened to you?''
The tied up man began to tell him, ''I picked up a hitchhiker and a few miles down the road he held me up. He told me to pull over and took my car, my money, and all of my clothes. Then he tied me up to this tree.'' The hiker unzipped his fly and said, ''Boy, this just isn't your day, is it?''