French Maid Techie

A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer whiz. She commented that he had a nice PC. He looked frustrated and said, "Yeah, it's top of the line, but I can't seem to get any programs to start up. You wouldn't happen to know how these gizmos work, do you?" She replied, "I'm sorry monsieur, I would love to help you, but oh la la, I don't do Windows!"

Cray Toaster

If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least for a couple of years.

Protection Needed

My wife asked me why I had bought a gun.
I said: Decepticons!
My wife laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster, it was a good time!