Inventor RIP

Q: What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB computer interface?
A: They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

Bought a Bad Computer

Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer

1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
2. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
3. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car. 
4. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
5. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
6. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
7. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
8. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
9. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
10. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.

You Aren't the Worst

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Gerrad, a friend of mine, bought a computer, even though he had never even used a typewriter before. After investigating the computer, he decided to call the help line. A friendly voice explained step by step how his new machine worked. All went well until the voice told him to press the space bar. After studying the keyboard, Gerrad said, "I've got the latest model and it doesn't have a space bar." But after further explanation, he managed to find it.
A week later, Gerrad again had problems and called the help line. An instructor was then sent to his house for training. But after a few minutes, Gerrad's head was spinning. "You don't need to go any further," he sighed, "I don't understand a thing."
To cheer him up, the instructor said, "Hey, there are people who understand a lot less than you. Last week we had someone on the phone who didn't even know where the space bar was!"