Kick Boxing Computer

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

To Computer: Is there a God?

Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question. They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were linked together. They asked the question, "IS THERE A GOD?" Suddenly there was a loud crash, and in a brilliant explosion of silicon and plastic the computers fused into what appeared to the scientists to be one large computer in place of the many smaller ones. One of the scientists raced to the printer as it finally output its answer. "There is now", read the printout.

Naughty Emicons

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where :) means a smile and :( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by :o) and :o( respectively.
Well, how about some "assicons"? Here's a few:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_^^_) a bubble ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_o^^o_) a wise ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass