Computer Terms

Q.180?
A. The average IQ needed to understand a P.C. state - of - the - art computer you can't afford.
Q. Obsolete? 
A. Any computer you own.
Q. Microsecond?
A. The time it takes for your State - of - the - art computer to become obsolete.
Q. Syntax Error 
A.  "Hello, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.
Q. GUI (pronounced "gooey")?
A. What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
Q. Computer Chip?
A. Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.
Q. Keyboard? 
A. The standard way to generate computer errors.
Q. Hard Drive?
A. The sales technique employed by most computer salesmen.
Q. Portable Computer?
A.  A device invented to force business men to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.
Q.  Disk  Crash?
 A.  A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Q. Power User?
A.  Anyone who can format a disk from a DOS System.
Q. Update?
 A. A quick method of trashing ALL of your current software.

Goebel's Laws

Goebel's Second Law Of Useless Difficulty: The fastest way to get something done is to determine that it isn't worth doing.
Goebel's Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.
Goebel's Law Of Software Compatibility: A statement of absolute functional equivalence made in bold print followed by several pages of qualifications in fine.
Goebel's Theorem Of Software Schedules: Always multiply a software schedule by pi. This is because you think you're going in a straight line but always end up going full circle.
Goebel's Law Of Product Introductions: A future product release date does not say when a product will be introduced. All it says it that you don't have a chance of seeing it before that time.
Goebel's Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.
Goebel's Law Of Intellectual Obscurity: What fun is it to be an expert if you make yourself easy to understand? 

Microsofties

Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 10. 1 to release a beta version 1 to complete the documentation 1 to test for hardware compatibility 1 to deny tech support 1 to configure the TCP/IP 1 to check for y2k compliance 1 to program the software to be compatible with the other software 1 to approve the invoice for the ladder 1 to change the bulb. (That's nine because there's always one more thing you need.)