Show Me The Money!

1. A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere!
2. A fool and his money are soon elected.
3. A fool and his money are soon popular.
4. A fool and his money is my kind of customer!
5. If money's the root of all evil, why do churches want it?
6. All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
7. Come to Florida, bring money, BUT GET THE HECK OFF OUR BEACH!
8. Even the blind can see money.
9. Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money.
10. It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
11. Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.
12. Money burns a hole in my pocket... how about yours?
13. Money is like an arm or leg, use it or lose it.
14. Money is the root of all bills.
15. Money may buy "friendship," but it cannot buy love.
16. Money Talks - and it usually says NO!!
17. Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you money.
18. Political Motto: I had some morals; sold them for money.
19. This country has the best politicians money can buy.
20. Time and Money. Two things we don't have enough of....
21. Turbo-Tax took money out of my Quicken directory.
22. Visit your money this year - vacation in Washington D.C.
23. When money talks, it usually says "Bend over."
24. You infernal machine! Give me a soda or my money back!
25. Alimony? ... sounds kind like all your money
26. No one kills over drugs ... They kill over money.
27. Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.

Arkansan Citizens Trip

ATTENTION  All citizens of Arkansas planning a trip to Washington, D.C. to visit Willy Jeff
1. Before leaving for Washington, clean red mud from windshields and remove hog and chicken feed from pick-up bed.
2. Any cardboard box can be made to look like a suitcase if brown shoe polish is smoothly applied. Boxes must have tops, but no ropes. When a few miles out of Arkansas, remove overalls and brogans and putt them into your box. Change to Sunday suit, clean shirt and good shoes (wear socks).
3. Limit occupancy of your car or pickup to a reasonable number of riders. It looks country to overload a vehicle.
4. Those going on their tractors should leave three weeks early. Remember to drive on the right side of the road at all times, except when passing an older tractor or a buddy in a wagon.
5. En route always buy a full tank of gas. A dollar's worth at a time requires too many gas stops.
6. On arrival in Washington, immediately get settled in a tourist or boarding house. If they don't feed, try to locate near an all-nite cafe. Leave soda crackers, Viennas, R.C. Colas and Moon Pies In car or pick-up. First class tourist homes do not take kindly to guests who prepare food in their sleeping rooms.
7. Do not take live chickens or hogs - for some reason people in Virginia think that they have good hams. For the sake of national unity, we don't want to show them up. Besides, their dogs would chase our chickens and our hogs would eat their dogs... just making a hell of a mess.
8. Do not take Sears catalog or corn cobbs with you. Up there the out-houses are always inside and they furnish a rolled paper substitute, but remember to turn the knob on the white bowl as this is a house rule and creates less air pollution problems. Brother Al Gore gets all heated about this pollution and we don't want to set him off.
9. If invited by a county agent, fertilizer manufacturer's representative or hog vaccine manufacturer's salesman to have a drink in his hotel room, do not spit tobacco juice on the carpeted floor. When asked what you drink, don't say "stump juice". Tell them all classy people from Arkansas drink B&B (Bourbon and Branch water).
10. And above all else - don't let any Yankee show you up. Constant screaming of "He's a good ole boy" will make it difficult for them to engage you in conversation on their intelligence level. You can also keep up the chant started by Cousin Slick, "It's time for change!" As you know, we plan a change of underwear on the first of every month. First cousins change with second cousins, but always keep it in the family. Willie has passed a decree, even when divorced you can still be cousins in Arkansas.

Crowded D.C. Bridge

In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem. The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.