Pretty Big

A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation. There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.
The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park. "What's that?" says the Texan.
"Oh! That's Queens Park," says the Cabby, "Its our Provincial Government, its like your State Government. Those buildings are almost 200 years old and they are quite big."
"Oh! We have buildings much older than that and at least twice as large," says the Texan. They continue along and past First Canadian Place.
"Holy cow," says the Texan, "What's that?"
"Why that's First Canadian Place, its the biggest office complex in the country," says the Cabby, "it took almost 4 years to build."
"Really," says the Texan, "Why in Houston they have buildings twice that big, and built in less than 1/2 the time."
They continue on the way, the cabby a little miffed at the bragging, when they drive past the CN Tower. Now the Texan has his head out the window looking up at the 1850' tower and rotating restaurant at 1300.
"Holy Crap!" says the Texan. "What in gods name is that? How long did it take to build that!"
The Cabby nonchalantly glances out the window and says, "Heck if I know, it wasn't there yesterday!"

Cowboy in Texas

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. ''WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?'' he yelled. No one answered. ''ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!'' Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, ''Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?'' The cowboy turned back and said, ''I had to walk home.''

Are You From America?

During a business trip to China, I was browsing through a department store in Beijing when a staff member timidly approached me. "Excuse me," she said. "Are you American?" "Yes, I am," I answered. "What state are you from?" she asked. "Texas, " I replied proudly. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, obviously disappointed. "I was hoping to find someone to help me with my English."