Everything in Texas

A Texan died and went to heaven where St. Peter met him at the Pearly Gates. "Show me what you got, Pete," said Tex. St. Peter swung open the gates and revealed a beautiful landscape of mountains, rivers, streams, trees, flowers and all the trimmings. "We've got that in Texas. We call it King Ranch," said Tex. St. Pete flashed up a scene of men, women and children frolicking on the countryside, swinging, swimming, riding horses, bicycling, etc. "We've got that, too. We call it Six Flags." Whereupon St. Peter threw open a trapdoor of the fires of Hell and out shot a huge ball of fire followed by a solid stream of flame sweeping over the entire area. The blinding light and heat were enormous. "We don't have that," said Tex, "but we've got a guy in Houston who can put it out."

Texas Thugs

Q: Two Dallas Cowboys are in a car, who's driving?
A: The cops.

Vacation To Texas

A man went on vacation to Texas. He went into a diner and ordered an orange juice and a steak. The waitress brought a pitcher of orange juice and the man's jaw dropped. The farmer said, "Pardon me, I ordered a glass of orange juice not a whole pitcher." The waitress simply said, "Sir, this is Texas. Every thing is bigger." So when the waitress brought the steak the farmer said, "Excuse me, I ordered a steak not the whole cow!" Again the waitress said, "This is Texas every thing is bigger." After he finished he had to go to the bathroom so he asked the waitress were it was. She told him it was down the hall first door to the left. Just as he walked through the men's room door he fell into a deep pool and screamed, "HELP, HELP! DON'T FLUSH!"