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U.S. State Jokes - California Jokes
You Know You're From California When...
The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway
You were born somewhere else
You know how to eat an artichoke
The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic
Your car has bulletproof windows
Left is right and right is wrong
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income
Your mouse has only one ball
If you need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up
You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by
You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it
You drive to your neighborhood block party
Your family tree contains "significant others"
Your dog has its own psychiatrist
You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them!
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance
More than clothes come out of the closets
"The Dead" are best live
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse
More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers
Smoking in your office is not optional
You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach
When you can't meet schedule because you must "do lunch"
Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks
Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news
You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hottub repairman
You consult your horoscope before planning your day
A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery
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Light Bulb - Northern Californians
Q: How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hella.
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We Got a Lot of Those
Three cowboys, a Texan, a Californian, and an Oregonian, were sitting around a campfire smoking, drinking and having a good time. The Texan takes a full bottle of the finest tequila, throws it up in the air and shoots it to pieces. The Californian and Oregonian are clearly dismayed at that show, and ask "Now what'd you go and do THAT for?" The Texan just drawled "Where I come from, we got a lot of those."
Not to be outdone, the Californian reaches in his saddle bag and pulls out a full bottle of the best Californian wine there is. He throws the bottle in the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it to pieces. The Oregonian and the Texan both groan, but the Californian is quick to point out, "Where I come from, we've got a lot of those."
Next the Oregonian pulls out a bottle of the best microbrew beer that Portland makes. He throws the bottle high up in the air, takes out his gun, shoots the Californian, catches the bottle, and proceeds to drink the beer. Horrified, the Texan asks why he would go and do a thing like that. "Well, where I come from, we got a lot of those, but the bottle's worth a nickel."
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