Crowded Sale Day

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line... "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!" 

Bra Shopping

My wife was trying to describe what it's like shopping for a bra. She said, "It'd be like trying to find something to hold your dick that looks nice and feels good."
I looked her in the eye and said, "I did."

Adult Toy Shop

A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo. She sees one behind the counter and tells the salesman, "I want that one!" He replies, "It's not for sale." The woman says, "Please I want that one," again he says it's not for sale. The woman says, "I'll give you a hundred dollars for it." and the salesman says, "Well, okay. Five minutes later, his boss walks in and asks, "How's business today?" The salesman replied, "It's pretty slow but I just made a hundred dollars off of my thermos."