Men Have Two Faults

Women have their faults. Men have only two. Everything they say and everything they do.

Three guys named Larry

Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?" The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Mountain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime." The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up." The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels." The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor." The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"

How to Satisfy a Woman/Man Every Time

How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time: Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix,empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe,humor, placate, stimulate, jiffy lube, stroke, console, purr, hug,coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate,nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm,lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate,attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend,coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize,detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace,accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead,borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch,crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for,dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine,cajole, angelicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate,enervate, alleviate, spot weld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite,taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care ifI die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize,humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the freeworld, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble,drip, dry, knead, puree, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate,indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.
How to Satisfy a Man Every Time:  Show up naked.