The Woman's Compact Instruction Book

THE WOMAN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK

• Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
• Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
• Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
• What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
• So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
• If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.
• Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
• Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be left out alone.
• Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
• Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.
• Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
• The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
• If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.
• A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll stay the night".
• Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.
• Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
• If he asks you if you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.
• When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."

Cats And Men

• They don't listen.
• They don't come in when you call.
• They like to stay out all night.
• Only when you are trying to get things done do they want your attention.
• Mostly, they like to be left alone to sleep.

More Man Slamming!

1. You know a man's lying if his lips are moving.
2. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
3. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
4. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
5. Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be let out alone.
6. Never sleep with a man who's named his willy.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway
8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
9. Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
10. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
11. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
12. If you wanted a committed man look in a mental hospital.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
14. Boring men are like snot - they get up your nose.
15. Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on him.
16. If he asks you if your faking it tell him no, your just practicing.
17. Sadly, all men are created equal.
18. There are a lot of words that you can use to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong - but you could still use them.