Men's Gourmet Restaurant

Q: What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A: Any place without a drive-up window.

Not the Sexiest Man Alive

From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 31, 1995
Top Ten Signs You're Not The Sexiest Man Alive
 
10. When people see you, they often ask, "Is it Halloween already?"
9. You appear in TV Guide crossword puzzle with the clue, "Siskel and ___"
8. The best term to describe you is "super hairy".
7. You parachuted into Super Bowl with a dog and a bag of pretzels.
6. Photos of you used as a birth-control device.
5. You take a stroll and the local zoo is flooded with calls about an escaped orangutan.
4. As you walk toward rack of Speedos, you hear clerks murmuring, "Oh God, no".
3. Your name is Tom Wilkins and you're seated in the 6th row of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
2. Hookers always telling you "Not on the first date".
1. Richard Simmons never follows you home.

New Women's Study

There is a new study out about women.  85% of women think their ass has grown too big since getting married. 10% of women think their ass is just as big as it was when they got married. The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.