Be Politically Correct With Women

• She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
• She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
• She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
• She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
• She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
• She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
• She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
• She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
• She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
• She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE
• She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
• She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
• She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
• She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.
• She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
• She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
• She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
• She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
• She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
• She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

A Bull for the New Farm

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00. Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it. Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer. The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?" The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word." The brunette thinks about this and says, "Comfortable,"  write that. ""Comfortable?" the guy questions ."Yes, you see she reads slow."

Trapped

I used to feel like a man trapped in a woman's body.
Then I was born.