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Sex Jokes
Wink Wink
A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate would have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting mannerism. He kept winking. "Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good references and experience. The trouble is this tick you've got of winking all the time, it might bother our customers. "No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid of it is to take a couple of aspirins." In saying this he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled to see dozens of condoms, multicolored ones, ribbed ones, heavy duty varieties and every known brand of standard condom. "Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winking stopped at once. "That's all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to be womanizing all over his territory." "Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married." "Then how do you account for all of those condoms?"
"Simple, did you ever go into a pharmacy winking all the time and ask for a bottle of aspirins?"
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Crystal Bowl
Sister Mary Holycard was in her 60s, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon early in the spring a young priest came to chat, so she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She then invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young priest noticed a crystal glass bowl sitting on top of it filled with water, and in the water floated, a condom. Well, imagine how shocked and surprised he was. Imagine his curiosity! Surely, he thought, Sister Mary had flipped or something! When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat, and of course, the priest tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water, and the strange floater. Soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer. "Sister," he asked, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?" (pointing to the crystal bowl) "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?" "I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!"
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Convent Girl
A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to marry a respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of contemporary society. After the wedding service, the bridal couple had to drive through the more unsavory areas of the city on the way to the reception. "William, what are those women doing leaning against lamp posts?" "Oh, those are just tarts who hire their bodies out for sex at fifty dollars a time." "Wow, fifty dollars!" exclaimed the bride, "the monks only used to give us an apple..."
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