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Sex Jokes
The Dirty Salesman
The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude. It seemed she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, "If that thing was full of ice cream, I'd eat every bite."
Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it. The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he didn't go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman right in the nose.
"Well", the husband replied, "There are three reasons I won't punch that guy in the nose. First of all, you shouldn't have even been shopping for shoes, since you have a whole wardrobe full of them. Secondly, you have no business going shopping with no knickers on. But most of all, I'm not going to punch anyone who's big enough to eat that much ice cream!"
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Vending Machine and Monica Lewinsky
Q: How are a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky alike?
A: They both have a place where you "Insert Bill Here"!
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Leprechauns and a Small Penis
Once there was this guy, lets call him Fred, who had a very small penis. Poor Fred thought if only he had larger equipment then maybe the chicks would like him more. One day Fred went into the men’s room and a very short man dressed in green was standing there peeing. Well, Fred couldn't help but notice what an enormous penis the man had and he said as much. "How did it get so big?" he asked incredulously. "With magic," the man replied, "I am a leprechaun. "Fred was amazed. "Can you make mine that big? "The leprechaun could and said he would if Fred would only do him a small favor...to bend over and let him have his way with Fred. Fred agreed and did so. When they were finished he pulled his pants back up and stood. "How old are you boy?" the man in green asked as he stood at the door. "Thirty. Why?" "You're thirty years old and you still believe in leprechauns?"
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