Mow the Yard

Lee Trevino is a considered one of the best golf players in history and has a net worth over $40 Million. He's Hispanic and lives with his beautiful wife in Dallas, Texas. One day he was out cutting the grass, as he does every week. A lady driving by in a sleek new Tesla S stopped in front of his house and motioned for him to come to her car.  Lee drove his Toro Zero turn mower to her car and waited for her to lower the window. The lady said, "Excuse me, do you speak English?"
Lee responded, "Yes Ma'am, I do."
The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?"
Lee said, "Well, the woman in this house lets me sleep with her." The lady's eyes got big, she then turned red and sped off in the Tesla without a reply.
No one knows if she ever returned to take him up on his offer.

Men Are Like 2

Men are like

• ...Place-mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
• ...Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
• ...Bike helmets. They're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.
• ...Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
• ...Copiers. You need them in reproduction but that's about it.
• ...Lava lamps. Fun to look at it but not all that bright.
• ...Bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
• ...High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
• ...Curling irons. They're always hot and always in your hair.
• ...Mini skirts. If your not careful they'll creep up your legs.
• ...Handguns. Keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.
• ...Floor tiles. Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime.
• ...Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
• ...Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

Football Player and Hooker

Q: What do you get when you cross a football player with a hooker?
A: An illegal procedure.