Men Planning for the Future

Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.

He Said, She Said

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra you've got nothing to put in it. She said...You wear briefs, don't you? He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money. He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said...Well, you have succeeded. He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man? She said...No, have you? He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains? She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind. He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

Opposites Attract

"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?" "I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'," was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."