Who Needs A Husband?

Who needs a man...my dog growls at me every morning, my parrot swears all afternoon, my fireplace smokes a lot, my cat slinks home in the early morning hours, and I have a physician who looks me over regularly.

Man Scaring

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1. Get away or I'll call the police!
2. I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Dirty Aliens

A married couple was walking down the street when an alien spacecraft landed in front of them. A married alien couple walked out and said, ''Hello, earthlings, we come in peace. We are scientists from the planet GRUDO-X and we want you to tell us all about your planet.'' So they talked for hours, until they came to the subject of sex. The humans told the aliens how humans have sex and the aliens were in shock! It was very similar to the way the aliens did it. The men in the group decided to have a little experiment with switching wives for a night. When the human woman saw the alien man undress, she immediately laughed at his ''thing.'' The alien looked down and said, ''Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot.'' And he hit his head twice and ''it'' grew at least two feet. The woman said ''Wow! That's impressive, but I could snap that thing if I wanted to.'' So the alien pulled his ears twice and it expanded. The two had the greatest sex of their lives. The next morning the human man came for his wife and asked, ''How was it?''
The wife replied, ''Great!'' The man said, ''Well, for some strange reason the alien woman kept jumping on me, pulling my ears and hitting me on the head, screaming, 'It's broken! It's broken!'''