The Blonde Gets Pulled Over

A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and decides to pull it over. He walks up to the car and sees a beautiful blonde woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, "I'm going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."  She blows up the balloon and he walks over to the police car.  After a couple of minutes comes back and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." She replies "You mean it shows that, too?"

Teacher 911

Q: Why did the kindergarten teacher call the Police?
A: Because a 5 year old was resisting a rest.

Freaky Fast

Two teenagers are found smoking a joint in the middle of a park. They’re both arrested and taken to the town jail. The sergeant advises them they’re entitled to one phone call . About eight minutes later, a man enters the station. The sergeant says, “I assume you’re the kids’ lawyer.” “Heck, no,” replies the man. “I’m from Jimmy Johns”