His first church visit!

After years of his wife's pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand. He said, "Reverend, that was the best gawd damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please...I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the Lord's name in vain!" The man said, "I'm sorry reverend, but I can't help myself, it was a good gawddamn sermon!" The reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church"! The man said, "Okay reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so gawddamn good, I put $500.00 in the collection plate!" And the Reverend said, "NO SHIT?!"

Want to be a Minister

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up". "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?" "Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen.

True Believers

The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the church and said, "Whoever is not willing to take a bullet for Jesus better leave now." More than half of the congregation jumped up and ran out the door. The two men took off their masks, sat in the front row and said, "Okay, Reverend, you can preach now. All the hypocrites are gone."