Suffering From Dilutions

Peter and Jim were partners in a profitable painting-contracting business. Unfortunately, they weren't entirely honest, because they mixed their paint with water.
One day Jim's conscience started to bother him as they painted a poor widow's house. The next day Jim told Peter he just couldn't be dishonest anymore.
"Don't quit now," Peter begged. "A few more jobs and we can retire."
Jim refused to change his mind. "Peter," he said. "I just can't do it. Last night an angel stood by my bed and said - 'Repaint, repaint... you thinner.'"

Bingo Gag Prizes

Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag door prize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush. ''What the hell is this?'' he asks the pastor. ''Why, it's a toilet brush.'' ''Ooh, I see,'' says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working. ''Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper.''

Vow of Silence!

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He's allowed to say only two words every 7 years. After the first 7 years, the elders bring him in and ask him for his 2 words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. He clears his throat and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say... "You've done nothing but complain since you've been here!"