Nun Mountain

Q: What do you call a wheelchair-bound nun who lives high up on a mountain?
A1: High roller
A2: Virgin mobile
A3: Nun of the above

Definition of Suspect

Q: What's the definition of suspect?
A: A nun jumping on a saddle-less bicycle!

Don't Step on a Duck!

It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by St. Patrick himself and he said to the boys, "Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity."
Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire landscape was encompassed by ducks and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one. He was immediately joined by one of the homeliest colleens he'd ever laid eyes on. She said, "Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time." 
Of course the exact same thing happened to Michael, only his companion was even the worse for the wear.  By this time, Tim was absolutely terrified.  He gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the court without stepping on a single duck. Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young lass. Tim looked over and beheld the most beautiful, graceful, blue-eyed woman he's ever seen in all his life. He gasped, "I don't understand it!" The young beauty answered, "Well I'm sure I don't either, I was walking along minding my own business, when all of a sudden I stepped on a duck."