Father

Late one night a car was swerving all over the road. A police officer pulled them over and went up to the vehicle. He then noticed it was the local preacher, Father McBrian. The officer then asked him why he was swerving all over the road. He said he wasn't. The officer immediately asked him, "Father, have you been drinking?"
"No..." replied Father.
"Is that liquor in your bottle there Father?" suggested the officer.
"No it's just water" answered Father. The officer took it and smelled it. He then said
"Father this is wine." Father then bursts out
"Praise the Lord, He's Done It Again!"

Copper Wire Invented

Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two jews fighting over a penny.

Hard To Get

It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives.
When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to be married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait. It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together. They went back to St. Peter, and said, "We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter. "It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I'll never get a lawyer!"