Locked Up

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But, officer," the man began, "I can explain". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say" "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom!"

The Honeymoon

After the third day of a really intimate honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, "You know what I really feel like honey?" "Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime !"

Huge Guy and Tiny Girl Get Married

A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have sex?"  The big guy says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down.  "His friend says, "You know, that doesn't sound too bad!"  The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I got somebody to talk to!"