Middle Aged Newlyweds

A middle aged man and woman fall in love and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, "Please be gentle... I am still a virgin." Startled, the groom says, "How can that be? You've been married twice..." The bride responds, "Well, you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about sex." Catching her breath, she continues, "My second husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was... Oh God, I miss him!"

85 and 16

Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear about his wedding night. Jake says, "Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up the stairs, undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so she and I could spend the night together. The next morning all three of my sons came upstairs and lifted me off of her." The bartender says, "Why did it take three sons to get you off?" Jake says, "I fought 'em."

Tattooed Penis

A guy surprises his fiancee by having her name tattooed on his penis. In flowing script it says, "Wendy." On their Jamaican honeymoon, he uses a public bathroom and sees a Jamaican man who seems to have the same name tattooed on his penis. The husband asks, "So your girl's name is Wendy, too?" The guy looks down at his penis and says, "No, once de wrinkles come out, it says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, mon! Have a nice day."