The Marriage Proposal

An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off; they share each other's values, enjoy the same jokes, and find pleasure in each other's company. After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage. She appears hesitant and decided to probe her soon-to-be a little."Perhaps I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but... How's your health?" "It's OK", he answers. "I'm not getting any younger, but I don't have any major health problems. I can still enjoy life." "Well, then," she replies "I don't want to be a snoop, but I've got to protect myself: how are you fixed financially?" "So-so. I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable. You don't have to worry about me sponging off you; I can support myself." The little old lady blushes, and finally asks her swain - "And how's your sex life...." "Infrequently," he declares. The widow ponders this for a moment or so, before asking... "And is that one word or two?

Wrong Size

A woman that was on her death-bed turned to her husband telling him he should get married soon after she'll die, to which the man said-Okay. Then she told him that he may bring the new wife to her home, Okay said the man, and you may give her my silver-Okay said he, you will also give her my jewelry-Okay, said the man, and you will also give her my dresses, said the woman -"This will not be possible," answered the man - "you see, you are size 8 and she is size 10."

No More Tricks

A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at "it" for three days straight. The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else. When his bride woke up, he said, "Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?" His bride replied, "You show me one more trick with that thing and I'm going home to mother!"