Honest Marriage

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking through a marriage- help book when his husband turns to his wife. ''It says here that the most important thing in a marriage is honesty. So let's come to grips here. Honey... have you ever cheated on me? I've never cheated on you.'' He saw the twisted look on his wife's face, and trying to suppress his anger, he asked: ''How many times? And when?'' The wife responded, ''Well... you know that time when your company was broke, and you couldn't get the landlord to let his pay slide for another month?'' The husband stared. ''You mean you're the one who got him to?'' His wife nodded. The husband thought it over, then sighed. ''I guess that's okay. Any other times?'' ''Well... when you had that heart attack, and the doctor refused to give a heart transplant for the amount of money we had at the time... I kinda...'' ''Ah, you're the one who made it possible.'' The husband looked honestly relieved. ''Well, that's understandable, you saved my life. Any others?'' She nodded. ''One more.'' The husband leaned forward. ''Well... you remember the time when you were running for president of your company, and you were short by 17 votes...?''

A Forty Year Marriage

A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty years ago." The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They made love like never before. Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like that forty years ago - or any time since that I can remember!" The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!"

Love & Marriage Quotes

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.- David Bissonette
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.- Zsa Zsa Gabor
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.- Sacha Guitry
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.- Montaigne
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.-- Hemant Joshi
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.- Lana Turner
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.- Mae West
"I was married by a judge...I should have asked for a jury."- George Burns
Unknown Author Quotes:
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore ...Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Behind every successful man stands an amazed Mother-in-Law!
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.