Painted Toilet Seat

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. Distraught, she asked her husband to unscrew the seat and drive her to the doctor. When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to show him their predicament. The man asked, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor replied, "but never framed."

Would You Remarry?

Husband: Honey, if I died, would you get remarried?
Wife: Well, I suppose so.
Husband: Would you and he sleep in the same bed?
Wife: I guess we would.
Husband: Would you make love to him?
Wife: He would be my husband then, dear.
Husband: Would you give him my golf clubs?
Wife: No...He's left handed.

Golfing Relationships

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf and country club. Luckily, it's a beautiful day, and there's hardly anyone on the course, so they've been breezing through the holes. Up around the seventh tee, they spot the first people on the course other than themselves, two ladies who, from the guys' perspective, are having trouble on the green. In fact, they've each five-putted it! The first guy says ''Christ. I hope they just had a bad hole, I don't want to follow these broads for the next eleven holes!'' The second one goes, ''Well, maybe I'll go talk to them, and maybe they can let us pass them. I'll be back in a sec.'' So he trots off, about to go and ask to let them pass. Suddenly, about a hundred feet away from the women, he stops, turns and runs away from them as fast as he can. When he comes back, he exclaims, ''Jesus! That's my wife and my girlfriend! They're both here! Golfing together! I'm sorry, man, but I can't say anything to them. I'm liable to be killed if they saw me. How about you go ask them?'' So the other guy concurs, and trots off to ask the women if they can pass and get on with their game. Then he stops suddenly, spins around and runs back to his buddy in the same manner. ''What's wrong? What's the matter?'' his friend says. ''Same damn thing,'' he replies.