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Relationship Jokes - Cheater Jokes
Divorce Can Wait
A wife was having coffee with a girlfriend of hers when she confided to her, "Our marriage has never been that great, but this year has been the absolute worst between my husband and I. Harry often yells at me, criticizes me, puts me down, plus he never helps out with anything around the house, and I keep getting the feeling that he's screwing his secretary. I can't eat, I can't sleep, in fact, I've already lost eight pounds this month alone!" "Well, why don't you dump the bastard?" her friend asked. To which the wife replied, "Oh, I plan to do that, but first I want to get my weight down to 115 pounds."
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Hop On Pop
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
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Christmas Parrot
A woman is looking for a Christmas present for her husband. She walks by a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot. A tag on the cage says $50. “Why so little?” she asks. The store manager says, “This bird used to live in a house of prostitution. It has kind of a vulgar mouth.” The woman decides to buy the parrot anyway. She brings the parrot home and puts his cage near the Christmas tree. First thing the bird says is, “New house, new madam.” She's a little shocked but figures that’s not so bad. When her two daughters get home from school, the bird sees them and says, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The woman is surprised, but she figures the parrot will straighten out once it figures out who everybody is. A little while later, the woman’s husband, Frank, comes home from work. As he walks in the door, the bird says: “Hi Frank.”
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