Coffee is better than Women.

Why Coffee Is Better Than Women:
Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have some. 
You won't get arrested for trying to buy coffee at 3 AM. 
Coffee never runs out. 
No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee. 
When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
Coffee can be ready in 15 minutes or less.
White men can take black coffee home to their parents. 
Coffee doesn't complain when you put whipped cream on it. 
You can always heat up coffee. 
Coffee smells and looks good in the morning. 
If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn't put on weight.
Two words; INSTANT COFFEE !

Hunting Stories

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"   The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife."  "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.  The hunter slyly replied, "My ex-wife!" 

Deaf Sex

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language, natch).
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time."
"And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......two hundred times"