Bad Cook

Q: How do you know your wife is a bad cook?
A: She uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

Critical Thinking at It's Best

Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per beer? 
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: So where's your Ferrari?

Your Name Is Missing

A man is having problems with his dick which certainly had seen better times...
He consults a doctor which, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years, your dick is burned out; you won't be able to make love more than 30 times!" The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said. He tells her what the doc told him.
She says: "Oh my god, only 30 times! We should not waste that; we should make a list!"
He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home; sorry but your name is not on it!"