Cheating

My girlfriend accused me of cheating.
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Who am I?

A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. The door bell rings. A couple wakes up. Woman: "Quick! My husband is back!" The man jumps out a window. Flying down he starts to think: "Shit! But I am the husband!"

College Courses for Women

1. Silence, the Final Frontier - Where no woman has gone before.  
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking - How to make deposits.  
3. Combatting the Imelda Marcos Syndrome - You don't need new shoes everyday.  
4. Dieting Ethics - Learn how not to inflict your Diets on other people.  
5. Nag Nag Nag - how to overcome your tendency to be a fish wife.  
6. Party Attire Reuse - An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit.  
7. Man Management - Discover how the garbage can wait until after the game.  
8. Personal Space - Leaving at least enough space in the bathroom cupboard for your partners toothbrush.  
9. Valuation - Just because it's not important to you.  
10. Communication Skills I - Tears as the last resort and not the first.  
11. Communication Skills II - How to think before speaking.  
12. What he Really Wants - Is buying the right razor blades so difficult.  
13. Driving a Car Safely - A skill you can also acquire.  
14. Party Ethics - Real women drink their share at a party.  
15. Telephones - How to hang up.  
16. Parking - Beginners Course.  
17. Parking (Advanced) - Reversing into a parking space.  
18. The Natural Habitat of the Towel - Why they prefer the floor.  
19. Managing Your Weight - It's not water retention, it's fat.  
20. Learning to Cook I - Bran in not food.  
21. Learning to Cook II - Bringing back bacon and eggs.
22. Compliments - How to accept them gracefully.  
23. PMS - Your problem, not his.