You Might Be A Redneck 53

You might be a redneck if...

• You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
• You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
• You don't think Jeff's jokes are funny.
• Your house has a kickstand.
• You drive around a parking lot for fun.
• Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents "Ma and Pa".
• You have to duct tape your gloves on.
• You've ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.
• Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.
• You think that Marlboro is a cologne.

You Might Be A Redneck 56

You might be a redneck if...

• The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.
• You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.
• You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.
• You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.
• You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.
• You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.
• Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.
• Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.
• You have to stop a leak in your flat-bottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.
• You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.

You Might Be A Redneck - Hunting

If you bet somebody 5 bucks for something then proceed to go hunting... you just might be a redneck.