You Might Be A Redneck If

You might be a redneck if...

• Any time your kids see a dog they get out their ropes, lasso it, and tackle it to the ground.
• Your master bathroom has the words "porta" and "potty" written on the side.
• You can't take a bath in the winter 'cause the stream is frozen.
• You only bathe when it rains.
• You think "Dueling Banjos" is classical music.
• You refer to the Surgeon General's Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical encyclopedia.
• You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.
• You're 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.
• You think 'possum is the "other white meat".
• Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.

Your Starship Captain Might Be a Redneck If...

1. Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.
2. He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.
3. You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".
4. He refers to Klingons as "Critters".
5. He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".
6. He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coat hanger and aluminum foil.
7. He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.
8. He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies".
9. He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.
10. He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.
11. He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.
12. He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage".
13. He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.
14. He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba".
15. He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster".
16. He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens.
17. He paints the starship John Deere green.
18. He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special".
19. He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp".
20. His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale.
21. He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen".
22. His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls.
23. He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge.
24. His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies.
25. He sets phaser to "Cajun".

You Might Be a Redneck JEDI If

                    You might be a Redneck Jedi if...
You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."