More Redneck One - Liners

You might be a redneck if...

• You don't think Jeff's Foxworthy's jokes are funny.
• Every time you see a road sign that says "DIP" you reach in your back pocket.
• You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
• You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.
• You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.
• The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.
• The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.
• You think "dual airbags" refers to your wife and mother-in-law.
• Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.
• Your school dress code contains the line "Shoes Optional". 

You Might Be A Redneck If

You might be a redneck if...

• Any time your kids see a dog they get out their ropes, lasso it, and tackle it to the ground.
• Your master bathroom has the words "porta" and "potty" written on the side.
• You can't take a bath in the winter 'cause the stream is frozen.
• You only bathe when it rains.
• You think "Dueling Banjos" is classical music.
• You refer to the Surgeon General's Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical encyclopedia.
• You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.
• You're 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.
• You think 'possum is the "other white meat".
• Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.

Your Starship Captain Might Be a Redneck If...

1. Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.
2. He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.
3. You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".
4. He refers to Klingons as "Critters".
5. He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".
6. He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coat hanger and aluminum foil.
7. He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.
8. He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies".
9. He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.
10. He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.
11. He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.
12. He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage".
13. He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.
14. He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba".
15. He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster".
16. He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens.
17. He paints the starship John Deere green.
18. He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special".
19. He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp".
20. His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale.
21. He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen".
22. His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls.
23. He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge.
24. His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies.
25. He sets phaser to "Cajun".