Redneck One - Liners Continue

You might be a redneck if...

• Duct tape and wire are the only two things holding your truck together.
• Your bumper sticker reads "If you're missing your cat, look in my treads. "
• You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.
• You've ever parked your date next to a YIELD sign hoping she'd take the hint.
• Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.
• You place a classified asking less than $1.
• You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.
• Higher math means counting over 10.
• The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.
• You have a lucky rabbit's foot in your pocket and a lucky rabbit nailed above your fireplace

Redneck List

You might be a redneck if...

• You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
• You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
• Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
• Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
• You burn your yard rather than mow it.
• You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.
• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
• You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
• You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
• You come back from the dump with more than you took.
• You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
• Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
• You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
• You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
• You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
• You have used a rag for a gas cap.
• Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
• You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
• You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
• You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
• You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
• Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
• You've used a toilet brush as a back-scratcher.
• You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

Did You Hear About The Redneck

Did you hear about the redneck who... spent four days in Sears looking for a miscarriage.